Miss U Dodo!!!!

. . . It has been a month now since I spoke to Sakshi. . .but I cannot say that we. . .or rather I will ever be separated from her. . .as soon as I heard that she was getting married the thought of living without her didn’t even sink in. . I thought . . . well . . it’s not as bad as I thought. . .but it’s been a month now and now I know what slow death means. . .now I see through the fresh appearance of a rose in a bouquet. . .I see its dying within. . Slowly . . . with each passing day it is becoming more difficult for me not to think about her. . . I think our souls were so entwined into each other that almost every small thing reminds me of her and her ways. . .I went to shopping the other day and I tried to find a piece of clothing which I thought that Sakshi would have bought for me. . .when I look at a menu I try to order what she would have ordered . . .I imagine her making arguments about her choice . . .I see her asking the waiter silly questions about a cuisine. . .I see her bargaining and often threatening the auto rickshaw driver . . . every night I lie down and look at the ceiling . .thinking whom to talk to about my day . . .i wake up at night and try to dial her number . . her dead number which is still there in my phone . . .I don’t know why. . .I think some part of me still believes that she will come back . . and all will be back to normal. . .I think that the most important aspect of a relationship which makes it special is the fact that you can share everything with your partner. . .it makes your life worthwhile. . .there is so much to share but nobody to talk to. . .and I think same is with her. . .But I know she will be doing better because she was always the stronger one . . . I know one thing for sure that some part of her will always live in my heart for eternity. . she will be with me always. .and no poison eating caste centric hypocrite asshole can ever take her away from me. . .

Kahin to.. Hogi wo,
Duniya jahan tu mere saath hai..

Jahan mein, jahan tu,
Aur jahan, bass tere mere jazbaat hai,

Kahin to, tha nasha..
Teri meri har mulaqaat mein,
Hoton se, hoton ko,
Chumte, rehte the hum har baat pe,
Kehti hai fiza jahan,
Teri zamin aasmaan..

Jahan hai tu, meri hassi,
Meri khushi, meri jaan…

Jaane naa kahan wo duniya hai,
Jaane naa wo hai bhi ya nahi,
Jahan meri zindagi mujhse,
Itni khafa nahi. . .

Tears. . .

It’s funny, how when we hide no one sees, it’s amazing how lies can make them believe, or maybe they just don’t really care. All life we live with masks, with that disgusting smiling, when you should have been crying.. Trying to be strong, Trying to remain still,. . its Funny. You kill yourself inside just so no one sees. The pain, that causes everything in your life, that smile, that doesn’t reach your eyes, those laughs that are hysterically trying to hide the truth. All those signals from your eyes, that are ignored. Where do you gain your strength? I know the answer, it’s in me, I gain it nowhere. I’m taking my reserves… I’m smiling just that I don’t have to talk about it … I’m breathing just that I don’t cause this pain for others.. I’m out of breath, I’m deadly tired and I hate lying all the time, I hate smiling even though I CAN’T, but I do..I do wake up in mornings, I face the challenges the life gives to me.. But as always everything’s hidden in my eyes, hidden from the world, trying to hide it from myself… The mask, that never drops, the truth that will never reach my eyes. Smile is no smile if you put the corners of your mouth up, it’s just a motion… It’s also emotion and feelings, something I’ll never show.

I HATE YOU ALL !!!!!

I don't care what colour you are. I don't care where you're from. I don't care what you do for a living. I don't care what class you are, how you dress, what you smoke or drink or who you know or whom you've fucked.

Fuck love. Fuck your vapid grasping at some abstract concept of chemical imbalances and reasonless actions, fumbling around in the crowd trying to find some cinematic supposition for real human interaction. Fuck lust, too. Fuck you all, from the lowlife dirtbags that think dropping trousers and waving the little soldier in a sloppy arc is a pick-up line to the sniveling of the desperate 'nice guys' who never get the girl due to a total lack of testosterone grown stones. Fuck you all, from the crazy, under dressed sluts that judge a person’s character by the price of their shirt, right down to the fat, flabby chicks that think personality is enough.

Fuck you drivers, for thinking that a yellow light is a sign that says 'step on the gas'. Fuck you too cyclists - you're not exempt from the traffic laws just because your peddling, you miserable spandex covered neon reflective fucks. Fuck you too, pedestrians. Use the fucking crosswalk if you don't want to get hit, and use it before the little countdown clock says '3'. You don't have enough goddamn time to lope across four lanes of traffic.

Fuck you cops that spend all their time taking bribe in the name of Law. Fuck you old man for having a conversation in the doorway. And fuck you also for not getting the fuck out of your designated handicapped seat when a pregnant or elderly person gets on the fucking bus. Fuck you all for thinking girls are just made for you to fuck.And fuck u all who think playing a guitar makes u every girls dream.

Fuck taxes. Fuck welfare. Fuck the whole selfish, over politicized and party driven government system. I'm sick and fucking tired of policies and new laws with seven hundred bylaws that nobody but you and your cabinet reads. Fuck you councilors and your stupid 'district improvement' plans. Fuck you unions, for asking for so much and giving nothing more than what you already give. Fuck the whole process that allows people who are supposed to be working for us work for interests that only benefit the next campaign. Fuck your short-sightedness, your rush to the bandwagons, and your incessant arguing over fuck all. Fuck the parties, fuck the conventions, and fuck your campaigns. Do some real fucking work for a change.

Fuck your culture. Fuck your race. Fuck your sense of entitlement. Fuck your sense of uniqueness. Fuck you all for the belief that you have something unique and interesting to contribute. Fuck you for filling the internet with your useless garbage. Fuck your blogs, your wikis, your forums. Fuck your name calling. And most of all, fuck whatever you believe. It's all wrong. Fuck it.

Fuck u all for pretending to be nationalists when u are fuckin regionalists to the bone marrow. Fuck u all who pretend to be quality conscious about food but smirk on spending fuckin 10 Rs on a medicine. Fuck you farmers for being so ignorant and letting the fuckin mill owners exploit you.Fuck you all for making nasty comments about your friends in public but not being man enough to take jokes on yourself.Fuck u all for concealing information just to hide your incumbencies.Fuck you all for chosing to be a fuckin diplomat rather than a friend and FUCK YOU for posting “Screw diplomacy”as your fuckin status message.

Fuck your complaints. Fuck your addictions. Fuck your dependencies. Fuck your pain. Fuck your tears. Fuck selling whatever it is you sell. Fuck your manipulation of others. Fuck movies. Fuck fucking. Fuck everything you own. Fuck your allergies. Fuck your stupid commons sense. Fuck your spelling and fuck your lack of education, or your ignorance, whatever is applicable.

I hate you all. I hate every last living, breathing, snot and feces producing, promiscuously copulating, celebrity obsessed, opinionated one of you. From right here in Delhi right around the planet and back, coast to coast, nationwide and internationally. Every. Single. Last. One. Of. You.


I don't give a fuck. Shut the fuck up and just get on with it.

The British Left Six Decades Too Early

The British left in 1947, and they left too soon. We celebrate Independence Day, but another six decades of dependence as Great Britain’s colony would have been good for us

Mumbai’s Sea Link bridge took 10 years to make, cost Rs1,600 crore.For Rs50, it carries drivers across the Mahim Bay from Bandra to Worli’s Seaface. The bridge is designed to shorten the drive from north Mumbai suburbs to the city’s south, where the business district is. Once the driver gets off the bridge at Worli, however, he cannot continue south.And there are many infrastructural problems relating to how the exit from the link has been designed.

Indians don’t fully understand modern infrastructure because we have made no contribution to its advance, though we can purchase its designs. For us a bridge is an independent thing. Its environment is a different thing.

Our response to terror attacks is to add a security layer to five-star hotels. The idea of controlling the environment rather than the venue, the idea of a system and its process is alien, and difficult. We can learn about this, but we have nobody to teach us.

The British left in 1947, and they left too soon. We celebrate Independence Day, but another six decades of dependence as Great Britain’s colony would have been good for us. We could have learnt how to run cities. No harm in admitting what is obvious for all to see: We cannot even manage traffic.

Mumbai, not Hong Kong, would have been the centre for finance in Asia, instead of the second-rate city it has become since the British left.

Delhi would have more bits like the ones the British built, the only elegant parts of the city, just as British South Bombay is the only elegant part. Cities such as Surat and Ahmedabad and Hyderabad and Indore would have become civilized. Under English and Scottish bureaucrats, architecture, certainly civic architecture, would not be as ugly as it is.

Justice would mean something. Gandhi and Nehru repeatedly got arrested voluntarily because, correctly, they trusted British justice. Today’s politician resists arrest even though he may be innocent, because he’s liable to get stitched up, like Omar Abdullah.

What else would be better? Education, through the Macaulay plan.

Europeans, of course, told us who and what we were. After 3,000 years of illiteracy, we learnt of the existence of the Indus Valley civilization from John Marshall in 1924. The identity of our greatest emperor, Ashok (died 232 BC), whose lion capital is our emblem, whose wheel is on our flag, was revealed to us by James Prinsep 175 years ago.

Our Aryan ancestry (or fantasy) was gifted to us by William Jones in 1786, when he reported the link between Sanskrit, Ancient Greek and Latin. The barbarism of Muslims at Vijayanagar was revealed by Robert Sewell, when he translated the 16th century work of Fernaos Nunes and Domingos Paes. Between 1879 and 1894, Max Muller translated the entire Upanishad, Vedas and Dhammapada. This helped Vivekanand go lecture the Americans on India’s greatness at Chicago in 1893.

The great German tradition of Indology continues through men such as Heinrich von Stietencron, but a sustained engagement through colonial government would have resulted in more attention to Indian studies.

The British stuffed education down our throats like medicine, educating the first reformers, people such as Narmad Shankar who attended the Elphinstone Institute. Shankar compiled Gujarati’s first dictionary in 1873, but the native instinct was strong and he reverted to Vedic tribalism in the last decade of his life.

That is the cycle South Asians normally follow: illiteracy, awakening through contact with European culture, and then a belief in our superiority.

But our bombast is groundless. America’s First Amendment says that Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech. Article 19(1)(a) of our Constitution also gave us the absolute right to freedom of speech. Within one year, the government amended that, denying us that freedom—and wisely. That was because we cannot have freedom of speech in a country where you can get killed for what you say. Or start a riot.

Today our best minds accept colonization by migrating to nations where they cannot vote. But they go anyway, because they can succeed under the other man’s law, where the environment is better controlled than in the Indian city.

3 TRUTHS OF LIFE. . . .

      After years of enduring hardships an sufferings. . .I decided that enough is enough. . . I will have to come up with some explanation. . .what is life?. . .what is the reason of suffering of all us corporate souls ?. . .With this noble thought in mind I  decided to renounce the material world . . .and venture into the realms of ethereal world. . . .Recently it was told to me that Lord Mahavira attained enlightenment thru meditation an asceticism . . .He is believed to have got KEVAL GYAN. . .or ONLY KNOWLEDGE. . . .so there I sat in my room. . .firstly I renounced everything I had(stripped to my birthday suite). . .unfortunately the mirror was in front of me. . . i thought may be undies is not too much. . .who knows whether mahavira stripped in one go. . .might have taken him time to adjust to all the attention. . .nevermind . .

                                So there I sat in my undies and started my "SPIRIT WALK" (dude this HEROES thing is infectious)  . . .I started thinking about the life. . .and to my amazement the room lit up with white light. .. I thought I GOT IT. . only knowledge. .  so I got this feeling that I shud spread the word of GOD to ease the sufferings and redeem my fellow beings. . .So whether U are ready or not hear it comes. . .THE THREE TRUTHS ABOOUT LIFE THAT "YOU" NEED TO KNOW. . . .

1. LIFE IS NOT FAIR . :- C'mon face it. . .stop living in your dream world an look around U. . .aint you tired of seeing undeserving. ..ratholes are living the better life. . .while you slug it out day and night to meet the deadlines . . but who gets promoted in the end?. . .no prize for guessing. . .the guy who played TT wid the manager for most hours. . .and the person who says "Good thing Happens to good people" Juz tell them to look around and come out of the dream world that these people live in and intend to create around you. . .the bee wont stop stinging if u refuse to recognize it. . .Stop running from it and face it . . .you have been forced to play an unfair game called life. . .So before failing to get that hard earned appraisal next time. . .  think abt it. . .an stop cribbing. . . .

2. PEOPLE PLAY FAVOURATES:- Now dont sulk on it cause this is as true as  a lie. . . .Often you must have found urself wondering . . like. . .what went wrong. . .why after being so perfect in everythng . . .the guy who gets the promotion or on site. . .is the same guy who playe TT with the boss. . .In the end the merit does not count. . .c'mon now even a dickhead living in our society knows by now (with all the reservations and all. . .) that merit just doesnt count. . no matter how talented you are . . .you can do nthing if u are not in the good books of authority concerned. . 

                   The beauty about these 3 truths is that The first one renforces it in every point. . .SEE how coherent  . .ONLY KNOWLEDGE  is. . once again. . .life aint fair. . . .

3. PEOPLE WILL DISSAPOINT YOU :- I am going to be blunt and brutal. . . .you must have been thru it. . .every person has experienced it. . .after investing money ,time  and faith in one person. . .that very person fails to answer your call of distress  . . and at that time you wonder that what a looser you are. . .but hang on. . .dnt be that dissapointed . . this happens to practically everyone. . .. .so incase of thinking what went wrong. . .juz accept it as an eternal truth. . the power of which is undeniable. . . .No matter How hard you try. . .no matter what you do. . . .PEOPLE WILL DISSAPOINT YOU.

                                    So guys these are the three truths about life. . . .i intended to tell you. . .the fact remains that they are undisputed .  . . .after so much of truth . .i cant help but think of the saying.

                      "TRUTH IS BEAUTY . . . .BEAUTY IS TRUTH ". . . . . . . . . naaah

                              

Either. . Or. . .All

                          There is good. . .and there is Evil.  . . . Right and Wrong. . . .Heroes and Villians. . .and if we are blessed with wisdom. . .then there are glimpses between the cracks of each where light streams thru. . .We wait in silence for these times. . .when sense can be made. . .When meaningless existance comes into focus and our purpose presents itself. . . .And if we have the strength to be honest,then what we find there staring back at us . . .is our own reflection. .  . .bearing witness to the dualities of life. . That each one of us is capable of both . . .The Dark . .and the Light. . .of Good and Evil. . .OF Either . . .Of All. . .and destiny ,while marching ever in our direction. . can be rerooted by the choices we make. . .By the promises we keep. . . . .         

                                 In the ongoing search for self , there are days when we learn something genuinly new. . . something uncovered. . . hidden. . . .that we never new was there. . . .something that surprises us. . .and on that day of self discovery question remains. . . What kind of person are we. . . does the angel or fiend inside us wins the day. . .and as the search for self continues,we look for answers everywhere. . .in nature. . .in God. . .in tiny tragedies that may naver be understood. . . but still , we are driven to it single minded on one goal.  .to find our purpose in this life. . .no matter what the ramification, the friendships that may be hurt. . or the deals with the devil we need to make. . . . .

The Story Never Told. . . .

There's no such thing as chance;in which case Mr. Jagdish Narayan Arora-for all his age and servility-was nothing less than a time bomb,ticking softly away until his appointed time,in which case...we should either-optimistically-get up and cheer,because if everything is planned in advance then we all have a meaning, and are spared the terror of knowing ourselves to be random,without a why;or else,of course,we might as-pessimists give up right here and now,understanding the futility of thought decision action,since nothing we think makes any difference anyway;things will be as they will.Where,then,is optimism?In fate or in chaos???. . .Was me being opti-or pessi-mistic when my father told me the news, and I replied with,"it was only a matter of time,chalo mukti mili". My Grandfather's death,it seems,was fated.

Today is a very unusual day to start my blog.But I have no doubt whatsoever that it is the most appropriate one.Today I lost the man ,who not wholly but partially,is responsible for my very existence: "My Grandfather".But my heart is not full with grief and sorrow about this loss. I am, in a way, happy for him.Because for six years I have seen him longing to meet the love of his life,his better half:"My Grandmother".I hope he meets her in heaven.

I got this news today morning from my father,who also sounded relieved. Since morning I had been thinking about death and life . I feel this vacuum being created in our lives. I asked myself was he really dead today or the day when he first showed signs of Alzheimer's disease.Yes its true that in his last days with us, he could barely remember anything about his life.....about us.I met him ten days before and he could vaguely recognize me.It was all very painful.Also this sudden loss made me think that when someone leaves this world.Is it the loss of one person only? I think when we loose someone we loose a part of history.We loose a whole unique way of looking at the world.I believe that the understanding of this world varies for each individual and is unique.I don't know how many untold stories about his childhood,the story about his college ,his first crush, his hour of greatness and that of failure, his untold secrets are lost into the oblivion.Yes we lost a small part of history today.
Life is an open road. . . . . .the best story never told.. . . . .