Miss U Dodo!!!!

. . . It has been a month now since I spoke to Sakshi. . .but I cannot say that we. . .or rather I will ever be separated from her. . .as soon as I heard that she was getting married the thought of living without her didn’t even sink in. . I thought . . . well . . it’s not as bad as I thought. . .but it’s been a month now and now I know what slow death means. . .now I see through the fresh appearance of a rose in a bouquet. . .I see its dying within. . Slowly . . . with each passing day it is becoming more difficult for me not to think about her. . . I think our souls were so entwined into each other that almost every small thing reminds me of her and her ways. . .I went to shopping the other day and I tried to find a piece of clothing which I thought that Sakshi would have bought for me. . .when I look at a menu I try to order what she would have ordered . . .I imagine her making arguments about her choice . . .I see her asking the waiter silly questions about a cuisine. . .I see her bargaining and often threatening the auto rickshaw driver . . . every night I lie down and look at the ceiling . .thinking whom to talk to about my day . . .i wake up at night and try to dial her number . . her dead number which is still there in my phone . . .I don’t know why. . .I think some part of me still believes that she will come back . . and all will be back to normal. . .I think that the most important aspect of a relationship which makes it special is the fact that you can share everything with your partner. . .it makes your life worthwhile. . .there is so much to share but nobody to talk to. . .and I think same is with her. . .But I know she will be doing better because she was always the stronger one . . . I know one thing for sure that some part of her will always live in my heart for eternity. . she will be with me always. .and no poison eating caste centric hypocrite asshole can ever take her away from me. . .

Kahin to.. Hogi wo,
Duniya jahan tu mere saath hai..

Jahan mein, jahan tu,
Aur jahan, bass tere mere jazbaat hai,

Kahin to, tha nasha..
Teri meri har mulaqaat mein,
Hoton se, hoton ko,
Chumte, rehte the hum har baat pe,
Kehti hai fiza jahan,
Teri zamin aasmaan..

Jahan hai tu, meri hassi,
Meri khushi, meri jaan…

Jaane naa kahan wo duniya hai,
Jaane naa wo hai bhi ya nahi,
Jahan meri zindagi mujhse,
Itni khafa nahi. . .

Tears. . .

It’s funny, how when we hide no one sees, it’s amazing how lies can make them believe, or maybe they just don’t really care. All life we live with masks, with that disgusting smiling, when you should have been crying.. Trying to be strong, Trying to remain still,. . its Funny. You kill yourself inside just so no one sees. The pain, that causes everything in your life, that smile, that doesn’t reach your eyes, those laughs that are hysterically trying to hide the truth. All those signals from your eyes, that are ignored. Where do you gain your strength? I know the answer, it’s in me, I gain it nowhere. I’m taking my reserves… I’m smiling just that I don’t have to talk about it … I’m breathing just that I don’t cause this pain for others.. I’m out of breath, I’m deadly tired and I hate lying all the time, I hate smiling even though I CAN’T, but I do..I do wake up in mornings, I face the challenges the life gives to me.. But as always everything’s hidden in my eyes, hidden from the world, trying to hide it from myself… The mask, that never drops, the truth that will never reach my eyes. Smile is no smile if you put the corners of your mouth up, it’s just a motion… It’s also emotion and feelings, something I’ll never show.